Transmissions fron the Half-Cube: 06/09/08

 

Caller: Why can’t I list my OBGYN as my Primary Care Physician (PCP)?

Me: Because they specialize in women’s health, so we treat them like specialists.

Caller: That’s not fair. I’m a woman, and that’s the only doctor I go to.

Me: Be that as it may, because they specialize in women’s health it would be unfair for us to list them as general doctors. They aren’t.

Caller: That’s ridiculous! Who cares about fair? What’s unfair is that even though he’s my only doctor I have to have some other schmuck on my card! When am I ever going to see this other doctor, huh?

Me: A PCP is the doctor you would see if you suddenly fell ill, or need a referral-

Caller: I don’t get sick, I almost never get sick.

Me: Well ma’am, that’s why you buy insurance, in case one day you *get* sick.

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Caller: I need to change the name of my child’s pediatrician.

Me: Alright sir, may I have your ID number please?

Caller: No. I put it in the phone already.

Me: Yes sir, but that was just so the phone could send you to the correct department. I need your ID number so I can pull up your file.

Caller: *nervous laugh* Ahaha, don’t be offended by this, you sound like a very pleasant young lady, but I’m not comfortable giving that information over the phone, you never know who could be listening in on the line. Identity theft is a very serious problem, you understand.

Me: …um, sir? The ID number we assign to you only works in our on-site database. I can’t make any changes to your information without that number.

Caller: Can’t you just type my name in or something?

Me: No sir.

Caller: Why?

Me: Security reasons.

EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT 

Caller: I need to schedule an appointment.
Me: Alright sir...well your plan was effective June 1, so you can go ahead and do that.
Caller: Wha...how would I go about that?
Me: Scheduling an appointment?
Caller: With a doctor, yeah.
Me: *facepalm* Call the doctor's office and speak with the receptionist.
Caller: Oh. You got a phone number for a doctor in Baltimore?
Me: *headdesk*