Transmission from the half cube: 9/10

Caller: I need to choose a provider.
Me: May I have your ID number?
Caller: 903123456
Me: And the last name of the new doctor?
Caller: That's why I'm calling. I need to find one.
Me: Alright, do you have computer access?
Caller: Yes.
Me: Great, just go to carefirst.com and use the Find A Doctor link-
Caller: ::hysterical:: I just TRIED that, and I came out to this guy's office who's supposed to be here in Columbia-
Me: Ma'am! Calm down please, just take a deep breath-
Caller: ::sobbing:: But you don't understand. I need to see someone right away and I'm so frustrated and my back and ::sniffle:: and ::sob::
Me: ::alarmed:: Oh please, ma'am, ma'am don't cry, it's gonna be ok, I'll try and find something for you, just don't cry-

[insert ten minutes of me giving her listings and her crying, then another seven minutes after she hung up]

Me: Thank you for calling Carefirst, this is Tiffany. How may I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I need to pick a doctor.
Me: May I have your ID number?
Caller: 903123456
Me: ::recognizing her name:: May I have the name of the doctor you picked?
Caller: Dr. Gump, as in Forrest. Hey, will I be able to see them soon? I have a mosquito bite I'm kinda worried about.
Me: ::twitch:: A...mosquito bite? ::double twitch::