I can't believe I neglected this thing for so long. Ah well. Better late than never and all that jazz.
I can't believe I neglected this thing for so long. Ah well. Better late than never and all that jazz.
I'm going to be 26 in a couple weeks. I don't think my life has really improved much since college.
In fact, I feel like I'm slipping. I don't have the energy to do what I want, and I don't do as much as I used to, and when did my life turn into work, game, sleep, repeat?
When did I start simply living between conventions?
When am I going to stop asking myself rhetorical questions?
WRITING SYLLABUS AND
BY ROBERT LANHAM
- - - -
Writing for Nonreaders in the Postprint Era
M-W-F: 11:00 a.m.–12:15 p.m.
Instructor: Robert Lanham
As print takes its place alongside smoke signals, cuneiform, and hollering, there has emerged a new literary age, one in which writers no longer need to feel encumbered by the paper cuts, reading, and excessive use of words traditionally associated with the writing trade. Writing for Nonreaders in the Postprint Era focuses on the creation of short-form prose that is not intended to be reproduced on pulp fibers.
Instant messaging. Twittering. Facebook updates. These 21st-century literary genres are defining a new "Lost Generation" of minimalists who would much rather watch Lost on their iPhones than toil over long-winded articles and short stories. Students will acquire the tools needed to make their tweets glimmer with a complete lack of forethought, their Facebook updates ring with self-importance, and their blog entries shimmer with literary pithiness. All without the restraints of writing in complete sentences. w00t! w00t! Throughout the course, a further paring down of the Hemingway/Stein school of minimalism will be emphasized, limiting the superfluous use of nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, conjunctions, gerunds, and other literary pitfalls.
Students must have completed at least two of the following.
ENG: 232WR—Advanced Tweeting: The Elements of Droll
LIT: 223—Early-21st-Century Literature: 140 Characters or Less
ENG: 102—Staring Blankly at Handheld Devices While Others Are Talking
ENG: 301—Advanced Blog and Book Skimming
ENG: 231WR—Facebook Wall Alliteration and Assonance
LIT: 202—The Literary Merits of Lolcats
LIT: 209—Internet-Age Surrealistic Narcissism and Self-Absorption
Required Reading Materials
Literary works, including the online table of contents of the Huffington Post's Complete Guide to Blogging, will serve as models to be skimmed for thorough analysis. Also, Perez Hilton's Twitter feed.
Read the rest of the syllabus for more detailed course review week by week. Then feel free to hold yourself as the tears fall from your eyes. Are they tears of divine laughter, or weeping of piteous sorrow? The answer is yes.
...at least as a counter-protester. If you haven't heard, on April 15th thousands of right-wing conservatives are going to be holding nation-wide "tea-bagging" protests. On tax day, they plan on taking boxes of teabags and dumping them into the waterways in an homage to the American Revolutionaries.
Go ahead, giggle. It's ok. Even Rachel Maddow couldn't keep a straight face for this one.
Anyway, Fox News ( in their oh so balanced and fair reporting) has been hyping the protests to the max, giving loactions, times, websites, phone numbers...they've been pimping hard.
According to Bob Cesca of The Huffington Post:
"It began with the on-air rant from the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange by the Coward Rick Santelli -- 'coward' because he's apparently too afraid to go on The Daily Show and, instead, Jim Cramer went on and took a beating for something that Santelli basically started...the basic idea of the tea bag revolution is to protest against government bailouts and in favor of tax cuts for the wealthiest five percent of Americans. Ultimately, the tea baggers (can I call them that?) appear to be against allowing the Bush's tax cuts to expire. Strangely, they also appear to be against President Obama signing into law the largest middle class tax cut in history. They're also against helping middle and working class "losers" keep their homes."
Adding on to this fail-whale of a plan (besides the terrible name) is the fact-historians, break out the tissues because this is going to make you cry-that their actions fall in line more with what our forefathers were fighting against in the first place:
"It turns out that that the tea baggers, led in part by Michelle Malkin, Glenn Reynolds and the Coward Rick Santelli, are politically more in line with the tax policies of King George than the views of the Sons of Liberty and the colonial patriots. The tax baggers emulating a protest against a corporate tax cut -- but, oddly, in support of tax cuts for the rich and corporations. Furthermore, King George was against a corporate bailout loan. And so are the tea baggers. And I don't think it'd be a stretch to suggest that many of the tea baggers are recipients of the president's middle class tax cut."
Personally, I love the fact that tax cuts for the rich+powerful= good, but tax cuts for the middle and working class=UNAMERICAN ANARCHY OH GOD NO YOU JUST WANT TO GIVE THE WELFARE
Ahem. Just kidding.
no not really
You can read the full article here.
HuffPo has a sign-up sheet for anyone who wants to volunteer as an on-site reporter. They aren't asking people to infiltrate, but if you happen to be there and you happen to want to report on the
lulz events, they would be happy to support you.
1) Tonight is the premiere of the second "season" of my Castles and Crusades game. In "season one" I played a princess on a quest to save her kingdom from an evil DeathKnight and the villains controling him. This go round I play a well meaning but socially dense Lawful-Good fighter ( a vast difference from the usual Chaotic Good-ish or Lawful Neutral socially-dominant characters I tend to play). I can't wait to get started, this is a good group and the DM has over a decade of experience. It's also a weird sausage festival; every player (including myself) is playing a male, even though my group is 80% women. They are also mostly fighter characters with the exception of our ranger, Ghost (who is a walking aresenal) and our wizard, Nick...but he likes setting things on fire.
2) I found a fun and super-easy fighting game thanks to chibi_trillian. Wanna throw down? Go here: http://plotbunny-tiff.mybrute.com
Tina will support me until I can write and sell my book. I'll write about a werewolf with eyes like the night (constellations and everything!) and a plain but secretly beautiful Latino girl in a wheelchair and their impossible love. It'll sell, I'm sure.
*sigh* I had such high hopes for this job.
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel music
3. He didn't get a fair trial
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a Woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do
He rollickingly refuted the existence of global warming. And as evidence, he uses Greenland, which "was once called Greenland for a reason, right?"
"We are cooling," Steele insisted. "We are not warming. The warming you see out there, the supposed warming, and I use my fingers as quotation marks, is part of the cooling process. Greenland, which is covered in ice, it was once called Greenland for a reason, right? Iceland, which is now green. Oh I love this. Like we know what this planet is all about. How long have we been here? How long? Not very long."
He also got the first name wrong of Italian fascist Benito Mussolini, calling him "Roberto."
It only took two years, getting laid off and re-hired, and dealing with all kinds of crazy drama, but...
I FINALLY GOT A PERMANENT JOB WITH CAREFIRST!!!!!
So... whoot and all that. ^_^ This means that after I go through training I'll have a whole new slew of Transmissions from the Half Cube, except it'll be Transmissions from the Cubicle. When you work in a dedicated unit you get a private cubicle all to yourself.
And yay for being able to pay off this big pile o'bills. Good times. ^_^
SCENE: In January, White House Conference Room.
WHO: White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.
TO: President's executive team.
"OK people, listen up.
"I just came out of a meeting with Big Ears. He's all about the stimulus package and he needs our help. The marching orders are these. He needs the word 'stimulus' tattooed onto the brain of every man, woman and child in this great nation of ours.
"Do you read me?
"When I tell you we need to get the word out, I mean that literally. Himself wants to see the word 'stimulus' plastered across every newspaper, magazine, television screen and billboard from Bangor to Bakersfield. And from Minneapolis to Mexico City. We need people saying the word 'stimulus' in their sleep.
"The definition of the word 'stimulus,' for you wonky-tonks, is 'Something external that influences an activity.' We want the entire country starving for stimulus. Remember the 'I want my MTV' campaign? Like that on steroids.
"My brother the Hollywood agent is already all over this. I called in a favor. He's packaging a reality show for MTV called 'Pimp My Stimulus.' He's pitching a Robert De Niro/Billy Crystal sequel called 'Stimulize This,' and a "Terminator" rip-off called 'The Stimulator.' What are any of these shows or movies about? I have no idea. These are ideas from a guy who thinks 'The Deer Hunter' was great art. He's got the word in the title. That's all I need to make the Anointed One happy.
"Am I making myself clear here?
"Do any of your kids have a garage band? What am I saying? Do any of you have a garage band? Change the name of the band to Stimulus and I can get you a record deal. Got a dog, a cat? Bowser is now Stimmo, Mittens is now Stimmy. The first lady now has her own fragrance. That's right, Stimulus by Calvin Klein. He owes me, too.
"Who here knows people in magazine publishing? I want every fashion magazine with a pretty boy or girl on the cover to offer the provocative headline 'Stimulus Package.' Who knows sportswriters? Every time an athlete gets a whopping contract or bonus I want to read about the ... all together now. Did Nike go with us in the last election? Somebody call Phil Knight and tell him LeBron needs a new pair of Air Stimulus sneakers.
"You can't tell me some woman somewhere in these United States has not given birth to a child named Stimulus. Are you working the phones? Can we send an e-mail blast to hospitals? Where is that child? Can we make our Hoopster-in-Chief happy with that information and the AP profile that would surely follow right behind it?
"Second item on the agenda. Next week is Sasha and Malia's party. Has anyone vetted this Sparkles the Clown yet? Let's get the Secret Service on this pronto. Let's keep the Marlboro Man happy." -Michael Heaton
"'Kay, so the whole deal with Arthur returning during Britain's greatest hour of need got me thinking, like, what if Arthur comes back now? And he's all like, "We're a parliamebabble constitu-what?" and like, "GTFO, Gordon Brown." And he looks at the London stock exchange and is like, "WTF is this shit?" but he makes it better somehow, 'cos these are the terms of his return. 'Cos maybe by "greatest hour of need", they meant "global economic recession and financial crisis".
Arthur Pendragon, only you can restructure the financial sector!" ~ lassiterfics
It amuses me more than it should that we're looking at maybe three or four inches and are like, "Eh, that's nothing," while meanwhile down in DC you guys are getting a foot of snow and people in charge are, like, swooning onto fainting couches all, "OMG WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE OF SNOWFLAKES YOU GUYS." Dollars to donuts says the entire Obama family can't stop giggling at everybody today and everybody who's been in DC forever is like, "IT'S NOT FUNNY, YOU GUYS. THE SKY GNOMES ARE ATTACKING US WITH ICE SHAVINGS. WHERE IS YOUR FEAR?!" ~ apocalypsos
"I was just reading about the third bailout of Citigroup and thought of a much better plan.
We the people lend them money at a *Low Introductory Rate of only 5.99% APR (for the first month, after which the rate will be prime plus 24.99% compounded daily).
The CEO will be called every evening at the dinner hour on his private cell phone, and be placed on at least five mailing lists to receive fabulous free offers.
Late payments will result in fees and increases in interest rates.
*subject to totally random and unreasonable terms and conditions" ~ lurkitty
News Corp. Chairman Rupert Murdoch apologizes for the “chimp” cartoon…
“It was not meant to be racist, but unfortunately, it was interpreted by many as such. I promise you that we will seek to be more attuned to the sensitivities of our community.”
…ushering in a new era at the New York Post…
The scene: Editor Col Allen’s office. Allen is meeting with editorial cartoonist Sean Delonas to choose a cartoon for the next day’s paper.
Allen: Alright, tell me about this first one.
Delonas: This is about how Obama’s naivete in the midst of a dangerous world eventually will imperil our country. In the cartoon, Obama is an innocent little bunny entering a dark jungle filled with Muslims, socialists and abortionists.
Allen: OK, that’s good. Next.
Delonas: Well, as you know, Obama’s stimulus plan rewards deadbeats and punishes our nation’s wealth generators. This cartoon shows Obama aggressively sticking it to America’s entrepreneurial heroes with a “stimulus spear” that he’s hurling at Wall Street.
Allen: So Obama’s chucking a spear at rich people.
Allen: I like that. What’s this last one?
Delonas: This is meant to illustrate Obama’s well-known lack of respect for the Oval Office. He’s not wearing a suit jacket, plus he’s leaning back on his chair, feet up on the desk, eating greasy fried chicken and washing it down with malt liquor.
Allen: Who’s the ugly broad giving him a shoulder massage?
Delonas: That’s Nancy Pelosi.
Allen: (sighs) You know, I usually love your work, but this one’s just…it’s just wrong!
Delonas: What do you mean?
Allen: You gotta have the broad show more cleavage. Make her look younger. And more white.
Delonas: Done. So which one you wanna run tomorrow?
Allen: Let’s go with “bunny in the jungle.”
Delonas: Scrap the others?
Allen: No, we can use ‘em all in the next few days. The liberals will hate them, but at least no one can say we’re racially insensitive.
Delonas: Absolutely friggin’ right!
– Bonedaddy King